Pondering the Irony of Life

Talking out loud here to myself...

I spent a good part of my day reflecting on the 24 years of my career path. You know, that of parenthood. It was a job I took seriously. "Raising responsible, respectful children into responsible, respectable adults with good moral values" was our MISSION STATMENT.

Over the past few months I've seen a change. Perhaps it's because 4 of our children are now adults. It seems they suddenly have their own lives and their own ideas of how things should go. In a way, this is good. We certainly never aspired to cloning ourselves. As long as they hold firm to the foundation of their value system and and keep their inner convictions, they should go far.

We certainly cannot make their decisions for them. I have seen growth and change in them over the past year. Decisions of manhood and young womanhood that have made me step back and think, "Dang, we've done a pretty good job". They are growing up into fine, respectable citizens.

...But by what measure can we judge our parenting job? How do we know how well we are doing? At what age do we expect them to be there? Are there aptitude tests to take, questionnaires to fill out? Don't we get a report card? Or at least a yearly job review? Certainly our children won't come back and grade us? Sometimes their perceptions are immature and one sided. I wonder if we are judged by our peers? "Oh so and so isn't a very good parent because their kid did --------"? Yikes. I sure hope not. I must admit, I try not to fall into that trap because in an instant it could be our kid messing up and I wouldn't want to be judged. I guess we find out our grade when we meet our MAKER. Gee, I sure hope HE grades on effort and where our hearts lie. And God forbid...I sure hope they eventually "get it".

Besides positive parental influence, what other factors teach our kids how to grow into responsible adults? Hmm...they spend most of their day at school surrounded by their peers. And we already know we can't pick their friends or boyfriends/girlfriends. What are the odds our kids will be attracted to kids with their similar values? We sent our kids to parochial schools. Our thinking was that they would be surrounded by Christian kids in a Christian environment. Uh...well, overall, for the most part we've been happy with our decision and our financial sacrifice but it certainly doesn't keep them in a protective bubble. There are drugs, drinking, sex, and poor values even in Christian schools. Let's just hope we gave them enough godly influence and lived our lives reflecting our moral code.

When they were younger, it seems like we were constantly trying to use bad situations as "teachable moments" and de-programming different ideologies from their impressionable minds. Man, looking back...it's been a l.o.n.g. ride. SHEESH! No wonder I'm tired.

In the "olden days" when a kid turned 18 they couldn't wait to break free from their parents. They couldn't wait to move out into a little dumpy apartment to exercise their own adult freedom. I simply cannot imagine any of my kids being ready for that. (financially or emotionally.)

Have we done a bad job of getting them ready to fly? Have I become a clingy parent who enables their children by serving them plates of food and buttering their bread, by not requiring them to help with the household chores and just allowed them to live without any contribution? Have we gotten so sidetracked with kids sporting events that we got away from doing Saturday chores and lost our sense of TEAM within the confines of our own home? Why does it bother me to no end when I hear them complain about roommates who aren't pulling their weight yet I am living in a home where my "roommates" are doing exactly the same thing?

I'm just askin'... Did we do it wrong?

...so I looked it up. I googled it. and found this:

>>Let's be clear here. It must indeed be the goal of children to live and to make a new home on their own. As the Book of Genesis puts it, "And therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and be as one flesh." That is the way a person grows up to become a responsible adult.

But with so many more years of formal education needed and with marriage happening at an increasingly later age, it is not necessarily a shirking of responsibility and a desire to remain a child that animates some adult children to temporarily live with their parents.

The question is: How do you know when continuing or returning to live with one's parents is just laziness or a common-sense decision for the time being?

You know by observing what these adult children are doing while at home. Are they partying all night, waking up late in the morning and watching a lot of television? Or are they working hard toward the day they can establish a home of their own?

If it is the former, the parents are merely enablers. If it is the latter, the parents have succeeded both in instilling good values in their child and in becoming their child's friend (which is what the parents of adults should eventually become). And that is something new that, at least in this arena of life, makes these days a lot better than the good old days.<<

Hmmm...something for us all to ponder.