Hormones

Holy crap...when do hormones stop affecting your life? When you're a kid, your hormones mess with your head...even other people's hormones mess with your head too. (friends and members of the opposite sex) Then when you're pregnant, they mess with you again...making you laugh, cry, and have emotioanl outbursts at random times. After the kids start growing up, their teenage hormones mess with you in so many ways...worrying about them keeping their hormones in check, dealing with bitchy girls and moody as heck sons...then as we start aging we deal with messed up hormones again during perimenopause/menopause. Ugh. Right now, I'm sorry to admit that I'm looking forward to that phase. It might be a refreshing change from dealing with the moody, hormonal teenagers I've been living with. That is, if I can make it that far.

Stress Echo

Well, today was the day of my Cardiac Stress Echo. Since my heart attack in Dec. of 2001 (38 yrs old!), I've been told to have one every year... but somehow life got busy last year and I missed my appointment . (*Just a reminder ... I have a blood clotting disorder which caused me to have a 2 inch blood clot that totally blocked my LAD artery in my heart...they call that a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK.)

I skipped my 3 mile walk this morning because they thought it would be too taxing on my heart doing both. (*note to self: take that walk next year...just skip the hot tub.) Silly me...I sat in the hot tub before I went since I had some morning to kill...but apparently the hot tub elevates your blood pressure and heart rate. Especially when you get out, jump in the shower, and race off to your appointment, lacing up your sneakers in the car at stop lights.

So I was feeling a bit anxious...of course, hoping that everything is perfectly fine, but concerned that they may find something. I got my heart rate up beyond my max heart rate and went 11 minutes. (which, by the way, isn't your typical 11 minute stroll on the treadmill...high speed and high elevation) They were quite impressed...they told me that most people cannot go that long and cannot tolerate getting up to their max heart rate. So I was sitting there feeling a little puffed up and then I realized that the average age of the people in there was probably mid to late 60's, not a 44 year old woman who walks every day. Oh, so deflating.

Anyways...I'm feeling pretty good and hopeful that this heart of mine can withstand parenting my last two boys. They are coming home from football camp tonight. I'm hoping and praying the drama has ended and that there was a break in the clouds with a ray of sunshine that penetrated my son's brain, imparting wisdom and knowledge and common sense. As much as I would love to have him come home and declare, (in his best English accent)

"Mummy, I'm so terribly sorry for all the pain I have caused you..." (ain't gonna happen) ...I would be elated to just have him proclaim that he's seen the light and he's so over this girl who has nearly destroyed his life, ready to move on.

I'll keep ya'll posted.

A temporary break in the drama

The boys left today for Defensive Camp. Hard to believe the summer is almost over. (are we having fun yet?) They have been conditioning ever since hockey season ended...lifting weights, conditioning and training for the upcoming football season. I'm not gonna lie...it was a bit of a relief to send them off with their football teams for a few days...up north, far away from annoying girls, no cellphones, just lots of male bonding and teambuilding. Both boys have been excited to kick off the football season and I was excited to have them both out of town for a few days with something else to think about.

In the time that they're away, I'm praying that there is an epiphany moment that opens Josh's eyes and makes him realize all the world has to offer. High school is all about having fun while learning how to prepare for the real world...it shouldn't be as painful and difficult as he's making it with all this girlfriend drama.

So for the next few days...I've got other things to think about. Maybe it's a good time to start sorting out paperwork. Anyone who knows me, knows that I DESPISE THIS JOB! I have piles of mail that I still haven't gone through since we were on vacation. I have been paralyzed with all the drama.

Getting caught up in life

Well I realize I haven't posted all week...my mom was here visiting and I was caught up in life...definitely a busy week and emotionally exhausting dealing with all the garbage of the ongoing"fatal attraction" saga.

The bottom line is that we took the phone back because it was being abused. In the 12 hours I had the phone in my possession, let's just say the phone BLEW UP, with 17 "private calls" and several voicemails that got nastier as time went on. By the 3rd voicemail...I laughed out loud as the psychosis unfolded. Yup, definitely a changed woman there. The humming of the phone all hours of the night kept me awake half the night. The last call was at 7:25 am. Apparently she had a change of heart...and since she knows his password to access his voicemail...she went ahead and deleted all of the messages she left. (aw, shucks sweetie...too bad I had already listened to them all several times.) It was the eeriest thing ever. I'm almost half expecting to come home to my poor dog Duke boiling in a pot on the stove.

In all seriousness...I'm fed up beyond belief with both of them. This has been incredibly hurtful to the core of our family. I just hope and pray he wakes up and faces reality before it's too late.

Update

Well the letter turned into a text message the next day...begging me to give her another chance to prove she's changed. I'm sorry, sweetie...but as much as I liked you...as much as I have forgiven you for nearly destroying my son's life, his confidence, his goals and dreams...I cannot/will not give you a second chance to try it again. Time will heal broken hearts if they aren't repeatedly barraged with constant harassment, nauseating sweetness, psychotic cursing voicemails, etc. So in this case...I decided to just not respond to her text message and letter. I figured it was best that I not play into the drama since she seems to thrive on it. If I catch wind of one more threat of self-harm...I will not hesitate to call her mom...even if she did tell my daughter she was just doing it "to see how much he cared". (Yes...she admitted that she was bluffing.) Time to move on sweetie...really. It's for the best. Practice your "new woman thang" on someone else. I pray to God you are sincerely reformed but please understand I want the best for my son.

What confuses me though...is that she seems to think we (Pat and I) are the ones holding up them dating again. Not that Josh has a choice in the matter. Isn't that messed up? According to him...he wants nothing to do with her...

Quandry

There is one thing I always vowed as a parent: Never get involved in my kid's friendship disputes. I never wanted to be one of those parents calling up Johnny's mom telling her that little Johnny called my son a "doo-doo head" or something equally as ridiculous. What always happens is that Johnny's mom and I find ourselves in a strained relationship (because of course, Johnny can do no wrong) and Johnny and my kid are best buddies 5 minutes later.

So what does this have to do with me now? Well in the 23 years I've been raising kids, I've only had one exchange like that...and it was because Johnny's mom confronted me and I was backed into a corner... The mom was bawling and as I recall, it was a few weeks after I got out of the hospital with my heart attack...and I was on major "DO NOT GET RILED" mode. I don't remember the words exactly, but I pretty much told her that boys will be boys and they would be friends again the next day. (I was right) We did have a strained relationship for quite some time afterward but now she even comes to me to get her hair done. (a happy ending)

Back to my point... My kids are all nearly raised. We are now into the dating phase and the bad relationship which turned fatalistic in a control-freak kind of way got us sucked into doing exactly what we vowed we'd never do: GET INVOLVED. It was a neccessity in a "save my son's life" kind of way. Without getting into all the details...we have only addressed the girl, not her parents. But now I'm seriously considering involving the parents...and I am freaking out. I do not want to have to do this but the girl is a stalker, constantly barraging my son with guilt, controlling him, manipulating, conniving...countless phonecalls, text messages, threatening him one minute, the next minute she's telling him what a wonderful boyfriend he is. Talk about mind games!

When someone threatens self-harm...they have a problem that needs to be addressed. She is holding him hostage through emotional blackmail and it needs to stop. She sent me a letter yesterday asking for a second chance. My heart breaks. A second chance to nearly ruin my son's life AGAIN? Ohhhhhhhh noooooooo.

I really hate to break our Cardinal Rule...but I see no other option. According to my son, this will cause even more problems between her and the parents which will make the situation worse. Man, she's got all the bases covered... Now I'm feeling fearful...afraid to act and set her off in case she's serious. I know none of us would like to have that on our consciences.

I'm in a quandry and I'm begging God to get this monkey off my back.

Putting out the Trash

I realize my last entry was a bit harsh...chalk it up to post-vacation crash...over-tired, overwhelmed, sleep-deprived...whatever. Sometimes things get kind of larger than life when your mind and body is on over-load. It doesn't change the fact that a chain of events resulted in a meltdown on my part. I'm going to be kind to myself and move on. It's easier that way...you know, getting some sleep, praying for God to take control of the situation, forgiving, move forward. It's all I can do...and as I've heard someone in the ministry say: (I'm not as eloquent at paraphrasing but...)

When you take your trash to the curb...you leave it there until the garbage truck comes to take it away...and that is what we must do with the "trash" of our lives...we bag it up and drop it to the curb (or feet of Jesus) and wait for him to take it away. We don't keep running to the curb to take bits of garbage back into our homes (lives)...once it's there, it's there until they haul it away. We trust that they're coming because that is their job -to haul the trash away...

So today I hauled my trash to the curb and I'm waiting for God to pick it up. I trust that He will, because I know it's His job and He is faithful. I'm going to try like heck to leave it at that proverbial curb. If I paint a mental image of all that "garbage" infested with maggots... maybe I won't be so inclined to haul it back into my life. (I am a bit of a germaphobe).

In the meantime...I guess I'll put my rose-colored glasses back on and convince myself I've got a wonderful life. After all, I'm healthy and I've got so many blessings to count.

Yuck

Have you ever just totally felt like you've been cruisin' through life half blind? I have just spent the last several hours realizing that sometimes life just ain't what it's been lookin' like through my rose colored glasses. So when they're ripped off your face and the harsh cold reality slaps you in the face like a pile of wet slimy noodles...let me tell ya, it ain't pretty.

When it comes right down to it...people lie... sometimes even to their own family members, and it really sucks. I just don't understand the reason for the cover-up. It makes absolutely no sense. I'm not even gonna say anything more. I'm just too darned tired...and quite frankly the nasty taste of bitterness has temporarily paralyzed my tongue.

We're back

Why does a week vacation fly by so fast? I cannot believe we're back home already. We left from my mom's house yesterday afternoon and decided to stay overnight in Munising. We stayed at this very scenic Holiday Inn Express. We got the last available room which was a king suite. You see that lovely view over Lake Superior? Well we got the lovely view overlooking the parking lot. We spent several hours in the pool, sauna, and hot tub. It was a perfect way to spend our last day before we returned home.

We came back home to a very green pool because the weather was a lot warmer here than up there. Why didn't we take off the solar cover??? The girls were supposed to put some chlorine in the pool but it somehow didn't get done. I opened the dishwasher and the smell knocked me over. Apparently Jen cut up some chicken on a cutting board and just put it in the dishwasher. (a few days ago) Oh, home sweet, smelly, home.

My garden grew like crazy and my flowers were all beautiful and still alive. I see a lot of weeding in the next few days ahead. There was a pile of mail in the kitchen. I just hate coming home and opening a week's worth of mail. (I despise the mail...I am constantly buried in paper pile-ups.)

Jennifer made us dinner and I must say it was nice... even though I was a little irked at first.

Tomorrow is still a vacation day so I hope the pool looks a little more inviting tomorrow.

How do you vacation?

Pannukkaku with raspberry sauce.

What do most people do on their vacation? A big part of my vacation is coming home to hang out with my mom. I love spending time with her... we get along so well. Since my dad died nearly 4 years ago and Pat's dad died 2 years ago...we spend a week of our vacation to help out our moms...doing the things that they can't do themselves.

My mom had a few things on her "to do" list that needed attention. Let me just say, I am not mechanically inclined one bit. I break out into a sweat thinking about putting something together or figuring out how something works...but I actually took apart the faucet and replaced some gaskets, springs and stopped the annoying drip! Pat told me I could totally do it and I was a bit skeptical. I must admit, I'm pretty proud that I pulled it off. It was one of my finer mechanical moments.

Yesterday morning I washed the foyer/kitchen/dining room/hallway ceilings and then I washed the floors. Then Pat came over (man to the rescue) and fixed her ceiling fan and light, finished putting up some trim, hung a light in the garage, fixed something on the garage doors, etc. It was so nice for my mom to cross off a lot of things from her "to-do" list. I know that feeling. My mom and I are both listmakers...and I found out she condenses her lists down to smaller lists just like I do. (can you believe it? it's almost like we're the same person!) While we were working, my mom just whipped up a little roast/mashed potatoes feast fit for a king. (This is one thing Pat loooooooves about my mom and I think she enjoys doing it for him too.)

So this morning my mom and I went out to breakfast to the local Finnish restaurant. We had Pannukkaku smothered in hot raspberry sauce and Nisu toast with a carafe of coffee. Ah...love to embrace my heritage...even though the "Finnlander" in me was usually hidden. The experience was heavenly and has become a tradition for us that started in January of this year. (last time I was home).

My boys have been spending their vacation working out at the University gym. They are conditioning for football which starts next month. They are both captains (Josh on Varsity and Jake on JV.) so they take their conditioning seriously. They even ran up the ski hill with their cousin Vinnie...They have worked out, slept, eaten, and played video games....but we have some work planned for them later today. Grandma needs her little tool shed swept out, grass needs cutting, my car needs to be washed...

I know it's not how most people spend their vacation but as far as I'm concerned...spending time with my mom whether we're lounging on the beach, gutting out 'ol Uncle Chet's house (last year's project), or washing floors and ceilings at her house are precious moments of time well spent.

Vacation update

Well, we're here...visiting family and having a vacation. Yesterday was our 24th anniversary...I made a beautiful dinner and Pat was too busy to come up and eat with us. He was down at the beach trying to fix the lawnmower so he could mow the 2ft tall grass. It seems it never occured to those family members that live here to take the mower in for a tune up and a yearly inspection. Ah...save it for Pat because he can fix anything. (and he spends our entire vacation doing so.) He stays down at his mom's house and me and the boys stay at my mom's house.

Well, he did finally manage to make it up here to eat the anniversary dinner I made. Maybe we'll make it out to dinner one night this week. We certainly weren't thinking when we got married after the 4th of July...our anniversary always seems to get lost in the moment of vacation craziness.

The worst part of coming up here on vacation is the irregular weather conditions. When we pulled into town it was 90 something degrees. Yesterday morning was sunny with a nice breeze...then it got cool around dinnertime...This morning it's 50-60 degrees and cloudy. Looks like rain. ugh. So much for having a beach day and working on a nice glowing tan.

Somebody Needs a Vacation

We celebrated our 4th of July working at home getting caught up with housework and doing odd jobs around the house. We are trying to get ready to go on a long deserved vacation...to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan where our families live. Nothing like a week of fresh air and family to clear the cobwebs and give us a new lease on life.

The fireworks display in our city is absolutely beautiful. Despite parking a mile away and weaving through heavy crowds...we go every year to the same spot near the river to see the glorious display. It's usually quite an overwhelming experience. You can feel the boom of the explosion in your chest, the entire thing is choreographed to music and the fireworks on the bridge are astounding.

Why does it have to be so much work to go out of town? I hate that we have to look ahead an entire week to make sure all the bases are covered while we're gone. The girls will be staying home but I still go out and buy groceries for them, schedule online payments for bills, write out lists of what they need to remember to do for me. (Get mail and paper off the porch,water plants inside and outside...water garden, drop off insurance payment, etc.) The day after the 4th is always the most stressful day of our vacation because I'm up early takin' care of business.

Apparently when I did my scheduled online bill payments at the end of June, my bank didn't post the cable payment and I woke up with no internet service. I couldn't access my checking account to see if the payment came out. I was on the phone for an hour this morning with the cable company trying to figure it out...I just paid it again and figured I'd deal with it later. FRUSTRATION? (My bank is closed today due to the holiday.) So then I called the power company to see what my balance was. It appears that I overpaid and have a $200 credit!!! What?!?

...Somebody needs a vacation.

Pet Peeves

Ya know what really aggravates me? What really gets under my skin even though I know I should practice patience and longsuffering and all that fruit-of-the-spirit-stuff that I know God keeps testing me with... I just cannot understand why people work at jobs that they obviously HATE and take it out on poor innocent, unsuspecting customers. Now I know consumers can be nasty, nasty, nasty and impatient as hell...they get snippy and snotty and intolerant...but if you have a job working in direct connection with customers, you have to learn the art of cutting them off at the pass. But I digress...this is not the point I'm trying to make right now-

...it's how aggravated I am to be have been treated like an idiot by the lady at the Secretary of State's Office this afternoon.

I took Jake in today to get his learner's permit before we go up north on vacation. The paper that was provided to him (from his driver's ed teacher) said he needed his original birth certificate and he needed to provide his social security number with a parent who could prove they were your parent and verify the address. We waited in that packed office for nearly an hour. When our number was finally called the woman (who has worked there for years) was visibly tired and aggravated. When I told her we were getting a driving permit she promptly started firing off, "did you sign the top half of this paper? do you have your birth certificate? do you have your social security card?"

Whoa, whoa, whoa...I was like, "Well, we were never given this paper to fill out, and I do have his social security number...but nothing was ever said about having to provide the card."

Then she started spouting off something about not having gone through an actual school (um...this is called Michigan Driving School thankyouverymuch) and "If you had gone through an actual school you would have been provided with this information..." We were promptly dismissed as gruffly as that British chick on the Weakest Link. (Anne Robinson, I believe?) Good-bye!!!

Now come on...I had his social security number, proof of live birth, a valid Michigan's driver's license to prove I am his mother with another piece of identification showing the same address. Not to mention the fact that I have NEVER had to bring a social security card when my other 4 kids got their permit. (this is not a freakin' passport, people) Grr. What a wasted afternoon. And I did not get back there today either.

Then we went to Subway to get some (very late) lunch. Sandwich specialist LaTisha was not a very perky girl. As a matter of fact, she seemed quite bothered with the whole process of me ordering 3 footlong subs. I'm guessing we caught her at the end of her shift. (um...not my problem). There was no warmth in her voice...let's just say I wasn't feelin' the love. I just wonder if her boss was negligent in her training...you know, that part where they teach you to say, "Welcome to Subway, how may I help you?" and that ever so important, "thank you, and have a nice day!"

I told her I wanted to make one a meal...(aren't they supposed to hand you a cup and point you to the self serve fountain drinks and chip rack?) I finally reached over and took my own cup, aggravated beyond words at the back to back ignorant dealings with people who hold service jobs. There are so many people out there looking for a job and some act so bothered to have one.

Wouldn't it just be such a nice world if everyone really treated you like your business actually mattered? Is it that difficult to use our manners and give service with a smile? I can't even blame it on today's youth because the lady at the Secretary of State's office was older than I am. Shouldn't she know better?

Am I the only person who finds this annoying?

What a relief

Well, the repeat mammogram was a success. (is that the right word?) Anyways...they took a view from every angle and I was sent into the waiting room to wait for the radiologist to read it and determine if they needed to do an ultrasound. (I waited for an agonizing eternity, I swear) She came back and said she needed yet another view...which equated to the mother of all pancake squishes. Yeouch! Then I waited for another eternity...and she finally came back and said "that compression was good enough to determine there was nothing there to see"...and I wouldn't require an ultrasound. Yay! She gave me a big hug and told me to enjoy my 4th of July... I said, "honey, I'm gonna go and enjoy my LIFE!"

Last night we went to watch the boys play in their summer hockey league. It was good to get out of the house. Afterwards we went to Applebee's (the 3 boys and me and Pat which equates to 2 players, 2 coaches and me) for the post game wrap up. I celebrated with 2 margaritas (hey, they were on sale!) and quietly sat there observing the 4 men in my life while they discussed the game and their strengths and weaknesses. I didn't care...I was just mentally exhausted from the rollercoaster all week. I came home and got into my jammies and promptly slipped into a dreamworld. Ah...

Keeping Busy

Well yesterday was one of those busy Mondays that I've been having for the entire month of June. If you saw my calendar you'd laugh...Every Monday and Friday this month was super booked with hair appointments and the middle of the week was random hit or miss. (at least it looked balanced with two columns packed on Mondays and Fridays...it must be the "Libra"in me that I like visual balance?*snort...I do NOT believe in horiscopes)

Needless to say, the busy Monday kept my mind somewhat off this repeat mammo I'm facing today...except that one of my hair appointments was actually my good friend who is starting chemo for breast cancer in two weeks. Come to think of it...every one of my hair appointments yesterday were very good friends of mine...and all of us discussed the mammogram situation... and every one of them said they'd pray for me and reassured me that it was "probably nothing".

You know...I'm very blessed to have such great friends. It's almost ironic...the fact that I saw so many of my closest friends yesterday...from walking with Mary Lou in the morning, having coffee with Diane and then I cut/colored her hair, then I gave Lorie a perm (both these women I've known since we've moved down here 22+ years ago), gave Doris a haircut (she's the one with breast cancer), cut Cindy's hair, cut/colored the other Mary Lou's hair, then I talked to Sheila in the driveway for some time last night. (a combined 112 yrs of friendship...wow, this was a random, insignificant factoid to share) Anyways...I'm sure it was not just coincidence. I'm going to take it as a message and feel at ease...just knowing that I am loved and surrounded with such caring people.

I love how God shows me things...and I usually "get it" a little after the fact...but I do have a vision to see His hand throughout situations in our lives, even if I'm a little behind. It eventually comes to me, and I find great comfort in knowing that. You know...just the way things play out...I have the ability to see where God moved...like a complicated and long drawn out chess game. This is why I blog...to track His moves and for me to eventually look back and see it.

Now I have no explanation why Pat dreamt last night that he was having a confrontation with the Devil. He never talks in his sleep but last night he was actually hollering in his sleep...(almost like he was talking in another language...it made no sense to me). I even woke him up and said, "What did you say?" He told me this morning that he was fighting the devil in his sleep. It creeped me out. He seems to have a lot of those kinds of dreams. Odd.

And with that being said...I'm going to hit the shower before my haircut appointment arrives.