There is one thing I always vowed as a parent: Never get involved in my kid's friendship disputes. I never wanted to be one of those parents calling up Johnny's mom telling her that little Johnny called my son a "doo-doo head" or something equally as ridiculous. What always happens is that Johnny's mom and I find ourselves in a strained relationship (because of course, Johnny can do no wrong) and Johnny and my kid are best buddies 5 minutes later.
So what does this have to do with me now? Well in the 23 years I've been raising kids, I've only had one exchange like that...and it was because Johnny's mom confronted me and I was backed into a corner... The mom was bawling and as I recall, it was a few weeks after I got out of the hospital with my heart attack...and I was on major "DO NOT GET RILED" mode. I don't remember the words exactly, but I pretty much told her that boys will be boys and they would be friends again the next day. (I was right) We did have a strained relationship for quite some time afterward but now she even comes to me to get her hair done. (a happy ending)
Back to my point... My kids are all nearly raised. We are now into the dating phase and the bad relationship which turned fatalistic in a control-freak kind of way got us sucked into doing exactly what we vowed we'd never do: GET INVOLVED. It was a neccessity in a "save my son's life" kind of way. Without getting into all the details...we have only addressed the girl, not her parents. But now I'm seriously considering involving the parents...and I am freaking out. I do not want to have to do this but the girl is a stalker, constantly barraging my son with guilt, controlling him, manipulating, conniving...countless phonecalls, text messages, threatening him one minute, the next minute she's telling him what a wonderful boyfriend he is. Talk about mind games!
When someone threatens self-harm...they have a problem that needs to be addressed. She is holding him hostage through emotional blackmail and it needs to stop. She sent me a letter yesterday asking for a second chance. My heart breaks. A second chance to nearly ruin my son's life AGAIN? Ohhhhhhhh noooooooo.
I really hate to break our Cardinal Rule...but I see no other option. According to my son, this will cause even more problems between her and the parents which will make the situation worse. Man, she's got all the bases covered... Now I'm feeling fearful...afraid to act and set her off in case she's serious. I know none of us would like to have that on our consciences.
I'm in a quandry and I'm begging God to get this monkey off my back.
2 comments:
You are my idol of idols when it comes to motherhood, but you must talk to the parents if she is threatening to harm herself. What is the worst thing that can happen? She clearly needs help and they need to get it for her. This isn't healthy at all. On the flip side, the worst thing that can happen if you don't tell them, IS the WORST thing that can happen if she follows through with her threats. Please don't wait until she harms herself OR your son. You aren't breaking a cardinal rule for petty reasons or to be a controlling mother. You are breaking your own rule to quite possibly save a life. I will pray for you and her.
God is bigger than the disturbed girl. Praying God gives you His wisdom, His words and His peace to know what to do and say and when. Praying He goes before you and especially praying He reveal Himself to this girl, to break her deceived state of mind. TRUTH, real love and peace LORD God!
Try and sit at His feet until His peace comes, then you'll know what to do. We have a similar situation in my world of friends and it is more bizarre than a made for TV movie. BUT God is bigger and able to stop this young woman and hopefully minister to her. God made us mom's for a reason, stand your ground, fight for him before God and then go forth!
I'm a little pumped up because of the bizarre situation in our life. I'm in fighting mode, but remember a lot of the battle happens on our knees---and the battle is the Lord's.
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