Okay...the long and the short of it...I've got two funny neighbor stories to add today:
My 79 yr. old neighbor showed up this morning in our back yard (alongside the chainlink fence) while Pat and I were sitting in the hot tub, drinking our coffee and enjoying the birds. Yikes! (this is the neighbor who did and said something EXTREMELY inappropriate to me and I abruptly stopped visiting him in February because of it.
Anyways... I nearly screamed because I soooooo was not expecting anyone to just appear by our fence...especially not him. I even said, "omygosh you startled me"...as I sunk down deep into the hot tub and pushed my chest against the edge so he could not even catch a glimse of major cleavage in my very plunging bathing suit. Yipes! He was a little sheepish too...( I don't suppose he expected to find us in the hot tub?) but as he stood there muttering something about bringing me some magazines and "ohbytheway...(looking at Pat) do you still have my posthole digger?"
I nearly laughed out loud at his gumption...Ironic how old people conveniently have
NO RECOLLECTION of what.the.heck they could have possibly done to chase a nice neighborlady away, but he remembers that 3 years ago my husband borrowed a clunky old posthole digger and never returned it? oy vay. Obviously we forgot about it...As if Pat had any intentions on running off with his precious posthole digger since it's worth soooooo much money all rusted out and stuff.
Yeppers. This is just one more dose of weird in my already goofy life.
Needless to say he was mumbling about how he can't get anything done anymore and something about the rain (it just happened to start raining when he walked up). Pat told him he'd send one of the boys over with it and he just walked away. Odd.very.odd.
In my heart I know I did the right thing by putting a lot of distance between us because things were getting pretty creepy. That's all I'm gonna say. Trust me. It was the right thing.
Our other neighbor (the "renter" who lives behind us) was prancing about his yard today wearing bright pink crocs. I kid you not. I nearly laughed.out.loud. You'd have to see these folks...they are like having a life sized ant colony to watch. We call their yard "the compound" because they are constantly moving something in their yard (and yes, they have a LOT of stuff in that yard to rearrange)...Okay...picture lifting a large rock and finding an ant colony underneath...how they are scurrying about carrying those precious eggs all frenzied... Got my visual? This is what we see every day behind us.
Anyways...There is always something goin' on at the compound. He is the only guy I know who lights a campfire every.single.day in the summertime (he doesn't have a job) as if he's camping in his back yard and is using the flame to boil water for his coffee. (he doesn't really, but you'd think he was.) Nice folks, don't get me wrong...but funnier than shit to watch because our grapevines block out their torsos so all we can see are feet scurring and prancing back and forth all day...and then when I saw him in PINK CROCS! I just had to laugh. Pat said my grey crocs were more manly than his....and we giggled like little kids. Don't think I'm mean or shallow or anything...I mean, I gotta laugh at the ironic things that happen in my crazier than shit life. Laughter is medicine for the soul.
So I got my garden planted this afternoon. (And I got to witness "Prancer" and his little vixen in action.) They weren't very friendly today. Probably because I totally freaked out at him yesterday for cutting (what I thought was) my vines. I have had problems with the landlord every time that house becomes vacant because he wants to kill my grapevines (which we have grown for PRIVACY). For 2 of our 3 graduation parties he has killed them even though I ran out there to tell him NOT to touch them...he cut them off at the base of the plant and all the life drained out of them. Talk about a lovely look the day before our graduation party. Who had time to go pull wilted vines off the back fence?
So anyways..."Prancer" was out cutting and hauling brush from behind our garden shed and I saw him and his boy workin' on the compound and the smoke was billowin' out of the campfire burning all that green stuff... I'll admit I was overtired and very cranky and coming down from a major caffeine overload...but I was trying to find his face while I smashed down the vines to see over the top of the fence...I was like , "excuse me...um...you're NOT cutting these vines are you? I mean... we like these vines for privacy (and I'm sure you enjoy having your own privacy too?)"
He assured me he wouldn't cut the vines, he was just cutting this weed-tree-thingy that really has no purpose anyways and I guess the only reason why we haven't already cut it down was because it gave us some privacy before the vines came in. So I am quite sure he's not talking to us because I was a little psychotic to him and turned quickly on my heel. I did laugh at myself when I got back in the house. Hey, blame it on the caffeine withdrawls. I.was.not.over-reacting.
My 79 yr. old neighbor showed up this morning in our back yard (alongside the chainlink fence) while Pat and I were sitting in the hot tub, drinking our coffee and enjoying the birds. Yikes! (this is the neighbor who did and said something EXTREMELY inappropriate to me and I abruptly stopped visiting him in February because of it.
Anyways... I nearly screamed because I soooooo was not expecting anyone to just appear by our fence...especially not him. I even said, "omygosh you startled me"...as I sunk down deep into the hot tub and pushed my chest against the edge so he could not even catch a glimse of major cleavage in my very plunging bathing suit. Yipes! He was a little sheepish too...( I don't suppose he expected to find us in the hot tub?) but as he stood there muttering something about bringing me some magazines and "ohbytheway...(looking at Pat) do you still have my posthole digger?"
I nearly laughed out loud at his gumption...Ironic how old people conveniently have
NO RECOLLECTION of what.the.heck they could have possibly done to chase a nice neighborlady away, but he remembers that 3 years ago my husband borrowed a clunky old posthole digger and never returned it? oy vay. Obviously we forgot about it...As if Pat had any intentions on running off with his precious posthole digger since it's worth soooooo much money all rusted out and stuff.
Yeppers. This is just one more dose of weird in my already goofy life.
Needless to say he was mumbling about how he can't get anything done anymore and something about the rain (it just happened to start raining when he walked up). Pat told him he'd send one of the boys over with it and he just walked away. Odd.very.odd.
In my heart I know I did the right thing by putting a lot of distance between us because things were getting pretty creepy. That's all I'm gonna say. Trust me. It was the right thing.
Our other neighbor (the "renter" who lives behind us) was prancing about his yard today wearing bright pink crocs. I kid you not. I nearly laughed.out.loud. You'd have to see these folks...they are like having a life sized ant colony to watch. We call their yard "the compound" because they are constantly moving something in their yard (and yes, they have a LOT of stuff in that yard to rearrange)...Okay...picture lifting a large rock and finding an ant colony underneath...how they are scurrying about carrying those precious eggs all frenzied... Got my visual? This is what we see every day behind us.
Anyways...There is always something goin' on at the compound. He is the only guy I know who lights a campfire every.single.day in the summertime (he doesn't have a job) as if he's camping in his back yard and is using the flame to boil water for his coffee. (he doesn't really, but you'd think he was.) Nice folks, don't get me wrong...but funnier than shit to watch because our grapevines block out their torsos so all we can see are feet scurring and prancing back and forth all day...and then when I saw him in PINK CROCS! I just had to laugh. Pat said my grey crocs were more manly than his....and we giggled like little kids. Don't think I'm mean or shallow or anything...I mean, I gotta laugh at the ironic things that happen in my crazier than shit life. Laughter is medicine for the soul.
So I got my garden planted this afternoon. (And I got to witness "Prancer" and his little vixen in action.) They weren't very friendly today. Probably because I totally freaked out at him yesterday for cutting (what I thought was) my vines. I have had problems with the landlord every time that house becomes vacant because he wants to kill my grapevines (which we have grown for PRIVACY). For 2 of our 3 graduation parties he has killed them even though I ran out there to tell him NOT to touch them...he cut them off at the base of the plant and all the life drained out of them. Talk about a lovely look the day before our graduation party. Who had time to go pull wilted vines off the back fence?
So anyways..."Prancer" was out cutting and hauling brush from behind our garden shed and I saw him and his boy workin' on the compound and the smoke was billowin' out of the campfire burning all that green stuff... I'll admit I was overtired and very cranky and coming down from a major caffeine overload...but I was trying to find his face while I smashed down the vines to see over the top of the fence...I was like , "excuse me...um...you're NOT cutting these vines are you? I mean... we like these vines for privacy (and I'm sure you enjoy having your own privacy too?)"
He assured me he wouldn't cut the vines, he was just cutting this weed-tree-thingy that really has no purpose anyways and I guess the only reason why we haven't already cut it down was because it gave us some privacy before the vines came in. So I am quite sure he's not talking to us because I was a little psychotic to him and turned quickly on my heel. I did laugh at myself when I got back in the house. Hey, blame it on the caffeine withdrawls. I.was.not.over-reacting.
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